Feeling that way is painful. Conflict and stress can make it hard to feel your parent’s love, and talking with a trusted adult or counselor can help.
First
Feeling that way is painful, and you deserve support.
Possible reasons it feels that way
- Parent stress, mental health or her own childhood.
- Conflict, cultural differences or communication problems.
- Criticism that feels like rejection.
What may help
- Talk to a trusted adult, school counselor or therapist.
- Share how you feel at a calm moment.
- Write down what you want to say.
If you’re in crisis
Call or text 988 in the US (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline).
What is often behind a strained parent child relationship
Feeling that a parent dislikes you is painful and common. Family therapists describe patterns such as high conflict, emotional distance, criticism, unrealistic expectations, parental stress, mental health problems or unresolved family history that show up as coldness or anger. A parent can love a child and still treat them badly.
Common communication gaps
- Parents and teens often disagree about independence, grades, friends and chores.
- A parent under stress, depressed, grieving or dealing with money trouble can be irritable and withdrawn.
- Different expectations, cultures or generations affect how affection is shown.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship
Constant belittling, threats, rejection, blaming, comparing you to siblings or controlling behavior that harms your well-being can be emotional abuse. It is not your fault.
Steps that may help
- Choose a calm moment to say how you feel, using “I” statements such as “I feel hurt when…”
- Ask what is going on for them.
- Write a letter if talking is hard.
- Find a trusted adult, relative, teacher or school counselor.
- Consider family therapy, which can improve communication.
- Build support from friends and mentors.
For adults
Therapists can help adult children set boundaries and manage the relationship, without requiring the parent to change.
Resources
In the US, the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453. If you feel unsafe at home, contact local emergency services. If you are thinking about suicide or self-harm, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours.
Understanding strained relationships
Conflict between parents and children is common, and teens and young adults often feel misunderstood during stages when they seek independence. Research on attachment shows that consistent warmth, listening and repair after arguments are linked to better outcomes. Feeling hated can reflect stress, differing expectations, anger during conflict or a parent’s difficulty showing affection. It is also true that some parents are harsh, critical or neglectful, and that can harm self esteem and mental health. Honest conversations at a calm time, using “I feel” statements, can open communication.
Getting support
A school counselor, trusted relative, therapist or family counselor can help mediate. Family therapy has good evidence for improving parent child relationships. If you experience physical or verbal abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453, available at any time. If you feel hopeless or are thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 in the US for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You deserve care and respect, and many people find that relationships improve over time or that they build healthy support from others.
Based on data from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
