Feeling that way is more common than many people realize and can be tied to depression, anxiety, or past hurt. Talking to a therapist or someone you trust can help, and in the US you can call or text 988 any time if you are in crisis.
You’re not alone
Harsh self-criticism is common. It is often tied to depression, anxiety, trauma, perfectionism, bullying or earlier criticism. It is a feeling, not a fact about you.
What can help
- Notice the critical thoughts and name them.
- Talk to yourself like a friend.
- Therapy: cognitive behavioral therapy and self-compassion approaches have good evidence.
- Sleep, movement and time with supportive people.
Talk to someone
A therapist, doctor or counselor can help find the cause.
If you feel unsafe
If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the US) or your local emergency number right now.
Outside the US
Find a helpline at findahelpline.com.
What this feeling can be
Strong self-hatred is a painful experience and is more common than people think. It is often tied to harsh self-criticism that developed over years from early experiences, bullying, abuse, perfectionism, or constant comparison with others. It is a symptom, not a fact about who you are. It often appears together with depression, anxiety, trauma, eating disorders, or low self-esteem.
Common sources
- Childhood criticism, neglect or rejection that left a belief of being not good enough.
- Trauma and abuse, where victims blame themselves.
- Perfectionism and high expectations.
- Social media comparison. Surveys of teens link heavy use with lower body image and mood.
- Depression, which distorts thinking so that everything looks like personal failure.
- Shame about a past action, identity, appearance or difference.
What can help
- Name the thought: “I am having the thought that I’m worthless” creates distance from it.
- Self-compassion practice: researcher Kristin Neff describes three parts, kindness to yourself, common humanity, and mindfulness. Studies show self-compassion is linked to lower depression and anxiety.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches how to challenge harsh thoughts, and works well for depression and low self-esteem. Compassion-focused therapy is designed for shame.
- Write down three things from each day that went okay, however small.
- Limit time on content that makes you compare yourself.
- Move your body, sleep regularly and eat regularly, since these affect mood.
- Spend time with people who treat you kindly.
Talk to someone
A therapist, counselor, doctor or school counselor can help. Depression is treatable with therapy, medicines or both, and most people improve. If you are not sure where to start, a primary care doctor can refer you.
If you feel unsafe
If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, please contact help right now. In the US, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day. You can also text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Outside the US
Find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com, or contact local emergency services. Many countries have free crisis lines, for example Samaritans in the UK and Ireland at 116 123.
You are not alone
Surveys show that about 1 in 5 US adults experiences a mental illness each year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. These feelings can change, and asking for support is a strong step.
Understanding and support
Persistent negative self-talk is common in depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps people notice and change harsh thoughts, and research shows self-compassion practices reduce self-criticism over time. Writing down thoughts, asking what you would say to a friend and building small routines of sleep, movement and contact with others help. A mental health professional can assess depression, which affects about 8 percent of US adults in a given year. If thoughts turn to harming yourself, contact emergency services or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 in the US. Outside the US, findahelpline.com lists local support lines.
Based on data from the National Institute of Mental Health and the 988 Lifeline
